An Open Letter to Aamir Khan: Dil, Still Chahta Hai!

An Open Letter to Aamir Khan: Dil, Still Chahta Hai!

Dear Aamir, I completely disagree with you! We are amongst the most tolerant nation ever! 

We are so forgetful and forgiving. We are willing to accept murderers, riot instigators and rapists as our leaders. We are willing to accept rash drunken drivers killing people on the roads as our Superstars. We openly embrace match-fixing cricketers and give them a second career in dance and reality shows. We still flock to and trust Dhongi babas despite their heinous crimes. Liquor barons and failed businessmen may siphon off crores of rupees from our banks, but we’d still party with them in our social circles. We applaud the audacity and oratory skills of firebrand leaders who instigate communal disharmony, cause riots and loss of public property and lives.

Look we’ve even accepted to offering bribes/donations to babus, traffic cops and schools/colleges as a normal way of Indian system!

However, it is just that sometimes we have a lapse of IQ and EQ and innocently believe in forwarded messages on social media. We get influenced by the constant hammering of TV channels that are known for creating sensational headlines and debates in their race for TRPs. We find it difficult to understand your long interviews and lofty statements, and simply pick up 1 statement and twist it around. We suck up to our elected/selected public servants (MPs, MLAs, etc.) by wishing them Happy Birthday with large ugly posters (with our names of course!) But despite having no hand in your hard-earned superstardom, somewhere we believe you owe it to us. Be grateful man, we’ve made you who you are!

Sarcasms apart, go ahead Aamir and continue speaking from your heart. Your heroism has always been more about your entire righteous off-screen persona, rather than your ‘Dabangg’ on screen avatar. Your movies touch dizzy heights (both commercially and critically) not because of our generosity towards you, but because they strike a deep chord with us. Be it Rang De Basanti, Taare Zameen Par, 3 Idiots, PK or even Satyamev Vijayte, you’ve always managed to give voice to some of our deepest frustrations.

Yes I have my grudges with you – like you encouraged us to save money by buying cheap generic medicines and not to add to the coffers of multinational pharma companies who are unethically over-pricing their branded products. However, why don’t you offer similar advice to distributors of your movies for over-pricing the ticket rates to obscene levels during the opening weekend?  I also had my grudges when you tried to be our Moral Science teacher by speaking against AIB Roast (despite yourself producing a high on profanity flick like Delhi Belly with the infamous DK Bose track).

Having said that, I would never associate you with words like Traitor, Opportunist, Escapist, Timid or Hypocrite. Speaking your heart out, giving an honest opinion, caring for your family, expressing your concerns and more importantly for your countrymen’s apprehensions doesn’t makes you anti-national. It simply indicates the purity of your thoughts and clarity of your vision. A vision that doesn’t seek any endorsement from anybody and doesn’t try to appease by making politically correct statements.

Aamir, take heart in the fact that you are amongst the rare real heroes who are too good to be true or believable. You are too much of a perfectionist and we’re always trying to find ways of breaking this myth. We accuse you of shedding fake tears on TV, we accuse you of infidelity (why can’t 2 individuals naturally grow apart?), we accuse you for seeking opportunities to promote your movies (despite the fact that your next movie Dangal is about 13 months away from a release) and we even feel bad about you earning crores through a social program like Satyamev Vijayte; So while Satya Nadella and Sundar Pichai’s million dollar salaries make us proud as Indians. But an Aamir Khan earning his rightful remuneration causes a debate. Why so?

We conveniently forget all the Philanthropies you are involved in. We forget all the public interest campaigns you are involved in. We forget you being a UNICEF ambassador. We forget you being on the cover of TIMES. We forget your guts to shun all popular awards for their lack of credibility. We forget your scant interest in getting yourself waxed at Madame Tussauds. We forget the fact that you’ve never endorsed any liquor or tobacco product…not even through surrogate advertising.

We forget the fact that you’ve always been a free, bold soul that has never cared for popular opinions, safe bets or milking the situation. You started doing just 1 movie a year…way back since 1996…when all your contemporaries where cashing on multiple offers. You produced Lagaan when no one would’ve dared touching such a weird, dated subject. You vanished for 4 long years after the dizzying success of Lagaan and Dil Chahta Hai…and did things what you liked, because you were never insecure about your stardom. You were the first to start investing in the physicality and entire look of your roles without bothering to stick to any particular image. You played second fiddle to a kid in your directorial debut (Taare Zameen Par). You were the founder member of the 100-crore club with Ghajini. You did TV right after the humungous success of 3 Idiots. You are the only one in the top bracket of stars who doesn’t have a franchise series to keep cashing upon (Salman has Dabangg, SRK has Don, Akki has Housefull and Singh series, Ajay has Golmaal and Singham, Hrithik has Krrish, etc.). The list can go on and on, but the fact remains that constantly riding against the tide is what defines Aamir Khan!

Here is a future that I can imagine 20 years down the line - I can imagine all the 3 Khans still being around and kicking. So while Salman would continue to be known for his Charisma and SRK for his wit and charm, it would be Aamir and his body of work that would be the most credible of the lot. Knowing Aamir and his free-soul, he may be the first to bow out playing a leading man. But, most probably it’ll be Aamir who’ll end up with the proudest library of movies as an actor, director and producer…and of course for all his contributions to the society and India at large through philanthropies, campaigns, initiatives, ideas, TV shows, etc.

Aamir, just like you, I too am hopeful and positive about a better India. An incredible India that is much more tolerant than ever before. But more tolerant about the positive things than for the parasites mentioned at the start of this post. More tolerant for logical debates. More tolerant towards people asking difficult and uncomfortable questions. More tolerant towards alternative and contrarian point of views. More tolerant for self-censorship. And more importantly, more tolerant for some good ol’ self-deprecatory humor that allows us to take it on our chins rather than get so ruffled by anything that challenges our conventional thoughts and beliefs.

Aamir, I am hopeful of a more mature India that will have the IQ and EQ to go back and understand your words in their true light. An India that will realize the worth of your contributions, the depth of your solid character and of course, your love for the nation and empathy towards it people and their issues. An India that will stop questioning your genuineness once and for all!!

An Incredible India that starts celebrating Aamir Khan as one of the finest heroes (both reel and real) we’ve ever produced!

Before we end, allow me to mention about one of your iconic movies – Dil Chahta Hai. It was your Dil Chahta Hai and its so-true-to-life portrayal of friendship, bonding and camaraderie that was the raison d'etre for starting this blog. All I ever wanted to do was write a tribute for this phenomenal movie, that in more ways than has continued to represent me, my spirit and my reason for being. A movie that I would love to watch once again on my last day and die out with a smile…with the strings of ‘Dil Chahta Hai Reprise’ that play with the end-credits still ringing in my ears. What a way to go would that be!!

But may be more of Dil Chahta Hai on a separate post. For the moment, carry on Aamir…and continue pursuing what your Dil, Still Chahta Hai! And I am sure, an incredible India would feature right up there in your list of wishes! 

Hooda Scores, but the Movie bores!

Main aur Charles is underwhelming

Randeep Hooda sinks his teeth into the suave character of Charles. Uber cool, elegant, always with a slight smirk and a glint in his eyes, an alluring aura to the entire magnetic package that made Charles…CHARLES! However, take away Hooda’s class act, an upbeat background score, a couple of earnest performances from the supporting cast and a few nicely orchestrated scenes…and eventually ‘Main aur Charles’ ends up as an incoherent movie in the typical ‘more style, little substance’ category. 

Pity, considering the fact that here was a character and his escapades tailor-made for the celluloid. Check out Charles Sobhraj’s Wikipedia page and it immediately stands apart as a pulp fiction tale of thrills, chills and kills. Nevertheless the movie simply scratches the surface, stretches a single jail-break episode needlessly and in the bargain…misses out the entire meatier chunk of the sensational life and times of the once ‘Bikini Killer’. Hooda’s brilliant portrayal stays with you…and one simply hopes that he (Charles) lives again and perhaps establishes himself with a franchise on ‘The Chronicles of Charles’. ‘Main aur Charles’…overcooked, but still half-baked…deserves another chance, another recipe, another story, another day. But of course, the same Hooda! 

The Bestseller She Wrote Disappoints

The Bestseller She Wrote Disappoints

Ravi Subramanian’s latest #TheBestsellerSheWrote has its moments. However, at on overall level it’s a tame attempt to break his set template and perhaps one of his weakest books. Yes, though it does pack in a couple of highly charged, tear-inducing emotional moments, the final piece ends up as a pretty shallow story with a dampener of a climax (you are compelled to think “Ok, that’s it! Really? Nothing more?”) 

There are no real flashes of stunning thrills or whooa! moments, the unexpected twists are pretty expected, the characters mostly superficial, the story not as masterfully layered as all his previous ones. The sex quotient is raised up considerably, but (as it’s stated in the book itself) it’s pretty ‘thanda’ without much impact. Ravi makes a brave attempt to move into the Chetan Bhagat territory (high on mush and melodrama), but in the bargain misses that classic Ravi Subramanian stamp that made all his previous works so compelling. To sum it up, Ravi’s first fictional book without the ‘Bank’ or 'God' in its title is not a bankable read. The bestseller she wrote disappoints.

An open letter to Deepika Padukone, the flag-bearer against Media Tyranny

An open letter to Deepika Padukone, the flag-bearer against Media Tyranny

Hello Deepika,

Since writing open letters is the new flavour of the season, please allow me to share a few thoughts with you, the new ray of hope for all the victimized celebrities…and more so, for being a role model for the larger cause of womanhood.

As you’re aware, there has always been this vicious love-hate relationship between celebs and media. We can debate this relationship, but let’s not make it a man-woman question. It’s less to do with dignity of women/womanhood/manhood but more about defining boundaries of this media-celeb equation.

Media and Celebs have also been perfect fodder for each other. Together they drive two of the biggest industries in the new multi-media world. Exhibitionism and Voyeurism. The success of Facebook, reality shows like Big Boss are all prime examples of such Exhibitionism and Voyeurism working hand-in-glove, in perfect tandem. The celebs exhibit, the media laps it up like a voyeur. The celebs exhibit more, the media barges in further. One fine day, the celeb suddenly develops cold feet/becomes coy/decides to spark a controversy. Or alternatively, Media forgets its boundaries and voyeuristically ventures into the personal space.

This is a larger question for media and the celebs to set their working equations right. Clearly set those terms and conditions of play. You will admit that the Peekaboos, the Oops moments, the malfunctions are not just the figments of a perverse media. But Celebs too have (at times) an equal role to play in scripting these ‘moments’. Some scripts work, some don’t. And if at times they don’t, it would be inappropriate to blame it on womanhood and lack of dignity. It will be more about certain boundaries and code of conduct not being followed – accidentally or deliberately. These are some standard perils of your job and knowing your intelligence, I am sure you are completely aware of it.  

Since it took you 7 years since your debut, to wake up and feel offended about some outrageous pics and captions, can I please encourage you to actually have the courage (and selflessness) to take this ahead full-throttle. These pics have been on the web since always (perhaps your 3G/wi-fi connection was weak earlier) with flattering/unflattering pics of you and most of your colleagues. Where were you Deepika when the media last ‘framed’ your colleague Katrina during her private moments in Ibiza? What was your stand then? 

Regardless, it’s never too late to start a revolution. Please pick the cudgels now and bring this to a logical conclusion. Please set up a new ‘Do not Publish without permission’ code of conduct between Media and the Celebs. Push for a new protocol, a bill, a law. Now that you’ve ignited this, please fight this out young lady. You owe this to all your brethren in tinseltown and to the larger cause of Womanhood! No?

Salman Khan quotted saying - "Yes, I am a Man. And I have developed a Paunch. Can't help, have been having too many home-cooked Biryanis off late. But doesn't give the media guys to feature me needlessly and disrespect my manhood! Sob, Sob!"

Deepika, to reiterate once again – this is a celebrity-media question and about the perils of your job. It is not really a womanhood question. It involves your male colleagues as well. Most of them have been under the scanner as well. As with the ‘leak’ above – their paunches have been commented upon, their wrinkles, surgeries and botox analysed, their hair transplants/wigs/weaving minutely dissected and deliberated upon, their affairs closely tracked and chronicled.

Please don’t equate Media with the lecherous men on the road who ogle, whistle and try to grope and paw without your consent. The media simply captures you in a space where you’re fully aware you’ll be clicked and shot extensively. When some of your colleagues leave for an event in their skimpy outfits (and at times conveniently missing the inner-wear), they are fully aware of the 1,000 flashbulbs awaiting their arrival. The media ain’t a perverse animal on the prowl that has planted spycams in our households or is capturing demure housewives in titillating positions while doing their household chores. The ‘Yellow’ media is simply where it is supposed to be. Covering your multiple movie promotion events and success parties.

That some of your colleagues still choose to take a risk or ‘dare to bare’ is amongst the necessarily survival skills required for your industry. For every 1 principled, sure of her-talent, dignified lady like you, there are at least 10 others, willing to compromise, dare, bare and take the short-cuts. So it’s cut-throat, cutting-edge necklines and I am sure we’re all pretty aware of these state of affairs. And hence all my admiration and encouragement for someone as independent, principled and talented as you …who has steadily created such a wonderful niche for herself  in the industry by virtue of powerhouse performances in back-to-back hits.

My only humble request to you would be to pick up the cudgels and fight as a ‘celebrity’, as a ‘youth icon’ when you think your modesty has been outraged, or some of the photography terms and conditions have not been met. Please don’t play a victim and cry ‘womanhood’ as it takes away the sheen out of all that you've achieved so far.  It also dilutes the enormity from some serious and heinous crimes being infested on women across the nation. Female infanticide, dowry deaths, khaap panchayats, child abuse, gang rapes, molestation at public places, prostitution rackets, cyber-crimes and domestic violence to name a few.

If you have lived by the dictum of ‘If you have it, flaunt it’, please be brave enough to face and fight the clicks (some flattering and some unflattering) by virtue of your ‘Youth Icon’ status and not on the crutches of ‘Womanhood’.  If not leading Media houses like TOI, I am sure you’re aware of the plethora of high-definition cameras or smart phones that will be zooming in and capturing you, their favorite celebrity for their wallpapers and screen savers. I am sure you are super-intelligent and completely aware of these risks of your job. As they say, ‘the risks that come with the territory’.

Hence Deepika if you actually decide to fight and take it up for the entire industry, fight like a true warrior. Fight for the entire industry and even your male co-stars. Fight for your principles, values and moral conduct. Fight these giant media houses (who think they are indispensable and can arm-twist any celeb) and compel them to change their business models. Not a single snap to be published without the celebrity’s formal consent to do so. Not a single cheap caption and headline either.

I am sure Deepika you have the gumption to fight this in your own capacity as a ‘gutsy celebrity’, without having to seek any further support from ‘Womanhood’. The ‘Womanhood’ already has a lot going against it in this country. I am sure we can let it focus on much larger issues plaguing the nation.

“I am a woman, and I have breasts”. “I am a man, and I have developed a paunch”. “Damn, I am a man, and I have worked hard to create a perfectly sculpted cleavage.”

I am sure you get the drift Deepika. Please leave the man-woman noise out of it. We don’t really need pseudo-feminism to fight this one out. Sheer conviction and audacity of your fight against "Not to be clicked without my consent” should suffice. Please go ahead, fight it, close it! And please do not wait for it, until your next movie is up for release. 

The Day I Ran 55 Kilometers!

The Day I Ran 55 Kilometers!

                                                                                                             20th December, 2013

Well…actually we could change the headline to ‘The day I ran, walked, jogged and limped through, struggled and fought with my body to cover those 55 kilometers!’

And why am I writing about it? Well, friends there’ll be not many occasions in life (at least in my life so far) that you’ll end up surprising yourself. Instances where you drive yourself to do things you've never done before…and end up being in an ecstatic space where you've never been before. Situations where the world around you believed you were really crazy to even think about it. And finally, situations where you actually achieved those crazy milestones on the sheer strength of your Belief.

It all started with a ‘feel-good’ challenge to support one of our dare-devil colleagues who was on a daunting mission of walking over to the South Pole in Antarctica. 640 Kms of sheer hardship and human endurance all by foot, all in 22 days. Our organisation strongly backed this endeavor in a dual mission of not just celebrating human resilience but also to conduct scientific experiments around our changing environment. The latter so very essential to our core organisation strategy of offering risk management solutions and building resilience for a risky world.

The ‘feel-good’ challenge was simple enough. Form teams of 10 that will cover an equal distance i.e. 640 Kms over a similar period to show our solidarity with the courageous cause. That equates to about 3-4 Kms per day per each individual in a 10-member team. Of course, this was the basic minimum and the challenge was that the team that achieves the highest mileages wins the game!

The stage was set. The teams were formed. We connected with like-minded, like-spirited colleagues and managed to put together a formidable team in place. A Triathlon Ironman who has running ingrained as a part of his regular strenuous regime. An industrious jogger who has the reputation of clocking endless miles on any given day. And so on, an entire 10-member team of reliable walkers/runners who ensured to easily cruise past the minimum threshold of 3-4 Kms per day (though at least 80% of us were infrequent walkers and had never tested the upper limits of our own resilience).

And that’s what exactly remained the underlying theme – the theme of self-discovery for most of us – throughout the Resilience Challenge that we all embarked on. To begin, we soon realized that the initial target of 3-4 Kms/day was too easy for each of us to be attempting and wasn't daring us at all. We created a dashboard and were soon competing against each other. We soon realized the ‘6 small meals formula’ advocated by nutritionists. We could clock much higher mileages by breaking into number of smaller sessions throughout the day, rather than one big workout session. Soon 10-12 kms/day became a set norm. Soon enough most of us went past 20 km/day mark as well.

Incidentally, I missed quite a few days of workout due to ad-hoc family appointments and (can I confess) pure tardiness on certain days. On the final day of the challenge, many of my colleagues had impressive final mileages to talk about. 400, 300 and 200 Kms + final mileages. And here I was, the captain at 7^th position with a total mileage of just 195-odd kms.

It was the final day. The day of self-redemption and trying to end with a respectable final tally. In my mind were 3 records –

• To register the highest individual single day mileage within my team (which so far was 46 kms)
• To register a half century i.e. 50 kms
•  And finally, to go past the feel-good mark of 250 kms in the total tally i.e. 55 kms on the last day!

The target today wasn’t speed, but plain, simple perseverance. It wasn’t how fast…but how far. It wasn’t kms per hour. But more importantly, how many hours could I sustain to be on the roads till 12 midnight today. Even if I decided to walk the entire 55 kms stretch in a leisurely walking pace of 6 kmph, I’d precisely need to be on the roads for about 9.5 – 10 hours. That’s a pretty fair deal over the next 24 hours.

Seemingly impossible task for someone whose best so far was 21 kms in a single day. But then, as they say…dare to dream, dare to challenge, dare to beat your best. The day started early, really early…and by 4:30 am started the longest day of my life!

4 Kms down in 30 mins and it seemed to have started on a good, solid note. However, suddenly there was a pack of 4 dangerous-looking stray dogs out of nowhere. I soon realized that they won’t bite. They were loud and ferocious, growled and scared, but didn’t bother to come close. But I was in no mood to challenge them further and decided to change my route. Out of the cozy confines of my building society into the roads of a sleepy suburb. From the roads to a huge public park. The wonderful sights of the morning at 5:30 am that I had forgotten so long ago. The walking/running/jogging was proving to be a breeze. Distances didn’t seem as long as they seemed while driving a car. 8 kms, 12 kms, 14 kms…a good run around the entire locality that I may have never ever dared to attempt, had it not been for the Resilience Challenge.

The day chugged along and I kept on knocking down 4-6 kms every hour and then some rest. Run, Rest, Run, Rest. With clinical precision, with a song on my lip (Bas tu Bhaag Milkha!) and with a strong focus on that mark of “being on the road for 10 hours’…the mission chugged along. There were blisters, sprains and moments of hopelessness. In fact, the journey for the last 15 odd KMs seemed like impossible and never-ending. But the song kept going. Soon enough the first milestone cracked, 46 kms +. Then I limped and crashed through the next 4 painful kms to the coveted 50 kms! And that was it, no more!

It was 20^th December and on the television was the finale episode of the immensely gripping 24 series. The episode ended at 11 pm sharp…and here was the final 1 hour of my 24 hours journey towards ‘Self Belief’.

Either give it up and take pride in registering 50 kms in a single day. Or stretch that extra mile (literally) and end up with a final tally of 250 kms. Stirred but not shaken, Bruised but not broken – the mind refused to cow down. The body responded reluctantly and there started the final hour of the longest day of my life. 5 kms to go. Inch by inch, minute by minute…the Mapmyrun installed on my smartphone finally said the magical words “total distance covered 5 kms, total time taken 48 mins, speed is….”

And that was it! At about 11:48 pm ended my toughest journey ever. On the road for about 9 hours 30 mins for the dream target of 55 kms in a single day.

Surely, one fine day…when I run the half Marathon, the full Marathon or even the Ironman challenge (running + cycling + swimming), all this might look like a kid’s play. Much hype about nothing. 55 kms in 9.5 hours…so what’s the big deal man? But then, it would be worth remembering that this was my first major triumph of the mind over body. Of resilience over resistance. Of Belief over everything else that I had ever attempted before. Today, I dared to dream...and then dared to walk my dream. Today, was my first baby step in the space of fitness, endurance and transformation…and being a Milkha for life.

Signing off, this is Himanshu Manroa, Captain Mumbai Milkhas. And today, 20th December was the longest and one of the most worthwhile days of my life. 

Bas Tu Bhaag Milkha! 

Yeh Jawaani….is not so Deewani! Where’s the Kahaani?

Yeh Jawaani….is not so Deewani! Where’s the Kahaani?

 

Ok so? What’s so wrong with that? That’s perfectly fine! We don’t really expect our Bollywood romcoms to have a story or anything. We have enough stories in our television for that. Be it crime shows or soaps…or hell, there are much deeper stories in our reality shows and news channels nowadays. In fact, let our Bollywood remain the way it is – breezy, frothy and brain-dead. Who cares about good scripts in the movies…when we have much better scripted IPL matches doing the rounds?

Yes, that’s a very valid argument and expectation to begin with. And most of our blockbusters do get away with this license to entertain, entertain and entertain. However, Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (YJHD) suffers from another big issue – damn, it’s not enough Deewani either!

YJHD. Produced by Dharma Productions, Karan Johar (of you know what fame). And directed by Ayan Mukherjee (of Wake Up Sid fame). If there is anything that should prepare (rather warn) you for the dichotomy that lies it, it are these different chalk and cheese credentials. The movie starts beautifully. It builds it up neatly and quite entertainingly. It’s all fun, games and KJo kind of feel-good mush right up till the intermission. The characters are all well-etched and perfectly set up. The situation is ripe for a take-off in the second half. And it’s an exciting crescendo that takes you right up to the highest peaks of Manali and builds your appetite for a stunning second half. Yeah Jawaani! So far, so good. We’ve enjoyed the Jawaani bit…time to make it Deewani!

However, cut to the second half and real director of the movie, Ayan Mukherjee, is summoned to wrap it up. And it’s here that the flick not just descends, or paraglides….but simply nosedives from the peaks it had attained in the first half. The wafer-thin, single sentence story is left grappling for some oxygen. It tries to infuse some energy through a couple of boisterous songs, however, not enough for a plot that has already hit a coma.

“Go follow your heart, chase your dreams…but don’t be in such a rush to not enjoy the present. Be content with what you have, sit down and enjoy the sunsets…as no matter what, you may never be able to grab it all in one life.” These are all great Good Morning messages on your WhatsApp. However, to drag a movie for 170+ minutes with these philosophies is a criminal waste of resources. It may have still made sense if there was some serious substance and conflict backing these thoughts. However, by just making it too verbose…the Jawaani is lost of all its promised Deewanapan in the second half.  

In the good ‘ol days, Bollywood love stories were all about conflict and fighting the odds against the world. Be it the rich-poor divide, the caste systems or family feuds that kept the longing lovers at loggerheads with the entire world. There have also been the love triangles, friendly sacrifices and a whole lot of confusion that have kept the love stories entangled for a long time. However, off late, the world has progressed. Good news for the lovers as the parents have become much cooler. We no longer see fuming dads or scheming moms. Caste divide, rich-poor, family feuds have all been banished for good (atleast in the cinema). Or atleast, no longer cool subjects to be woven into our picture postcard stories. Triangles – well there is only so much one can do with triangles. Isosceles, right angle or equilateral. What else? So then what are love stories all about nowadays?  

Well, we need to keep the lovers engaged for 150-odd minutes, right? And now that the external forces (zaalim duniya) has softened its stand, the lovers mess it up within themselves and their minds to create an issue when there is none. Commitment phobia, I want a career, I wanna fly, pyar dosti hai, dosti pyar hai, she’s not my type, oh! Perhaps he is gay! …just pick up any Bollywood romcom of the last decade and lovers have all but muddled it up in their minds. Damn, you are in love? You wanna marry? Just go ahead...and we’ll join the celebrations. But no, the now generation needs to keep it convoluted and philosophised for no apparent reason.

Well, YJHD is another one joining the assembly line of such rom-bores. Think about it, is the now generation actually so confused? Well, actually not! Do young people really think so much about career, love and marriages as such life altering, mutually exclusive events? Well, not at all! The now generation is much more sorted than ever before! Looking around…people are having great careers and awesome marriages, they’re shifting jobs and even careers at the drop of a hat, they’re falling in and out of love much faster than the drop of a hat…and yes they’re getting married in style without much ado. And many like Rakhi Sawant and Rahul Mahajan are even making a career out of getting married! It’s all so supercool these days!

Coming back to the movie review. YJHD is long, very long movie (and hence this long review!) It’s perfect popcorn entertainment for the first 2 hours and keeps you enthralled. The songs are already a rage and set the screen on fire. It’s not news, that Ranbir Kapoor is a super entertainer and the biggest superstar of the current lot. And he further entrenches his reputation and stardom with YJHD. Deepika is an eyesore and continues to be. With every movie, she proves that she needs to join a professional acting course…and somebody needs to start dubbing her dialogues. The surprise packet is Kalki and as always, she is a pleasure to watch. Warm presence and a superb act!

However amongst the negatives is of course the tiring length. The last 1 hour is a never-ending drag that seems to go nowhere. The movie anti-climaxes to nothingness and gives us more of Farooq Sheikh (looking terribly aged) and Tanvi Azmi for our buck. Not at all desirable. The characterisations are super-shallow (except Kalki) that keeps you wondering – So what’s the fuss all about? Ranbir Kapoor ends up coming across as a wannabe, trying to be too cool, but too confused wimpy hero. Deepika is confused in the stereotype of good, intelligent girls can’t have fun…and sobs her heart out for no apparent reason. Aditya Roy Kapoor as the best friend is the weakest link (in terms of character) and adds nothing to the story. Is he an alcoholic? Is he jealous? Is he in love? Is he a compulsive flirt? Is he a loser? Is he a great, emotional friend? Why the hell is he so sad? Is he a rich dad’s aiyyash beta?  Or is he an aiyyash dad’s misunderstood beta? What’s his damn problem? Is he….well, why was he there in the movie? Ah, there you nailed it! He is UTV’s head honcho’s brother! Got it my friend?

So YJHD is a perfect case of a project that was bankrolled in the following manner. Sign in the reigning heartthrobs Ranbir and Deepika. Check. Record some really chartbusting numbers. Check. How about adding in Make My Trip as a product placement partner? Excellent, check! Ok, can we now fit both of UTV’s honcho’s brothers in here? Oh yes, certainly, why not! Check. Ok, all done. “Now Ayan can you please summarize some cool philosophies from your email forwards and quickly put together a screenplay?”

To sum it up, YJHD is an interesting travelogue to begin with…and gives solid footage to Make My Trip. It’s great, paisa-vasool fun for the first 2 hours. However, its tail wags for too long, for too little and ends too tame. In fact, it kills the pleasure of all that was neatly set-up initially. However, feel free to walk away after the Dilli waali Girlfriend song and you won’t miss much.
 

P.S. Madhuri’s special appearance item song must be amongst her worst…and should in fact disqualify her from being a judge in Jhalak Dikhlaaja.
 

In the end, just wish that this Jawaani was a bit more Deewani & Toofani. And of course, a bit less Dee-‘YAWN’-i! Yaaaawn…Oh Kabira!

Itni Shakti Humein Dena 'Data'!!

Are our MI Reports making the desired Impact?

 

Most often, post our discussion with our clients and stakeholders we start creating MI reports. Reports depicting performance trends, task volumes, success rates, TAT and a range of other important metrics. We discuss more, and we continue creating new reports and making amendments to the existing reports. We continue generating more reports, for more people, with more frequency to ensure that our stakeholders have all the information that they’ll ever need. However, twist this scenario and think. Thanks to all our enthusiastic reporting and the reams of reports we generate. However, will our stakeholders EVER NEED all this information?

Can we please go back to all our reports in our respective processes and try to look at each of them through the following seven lenses?

1. Is it simple and Relevant?

It’s easy to get overly ambitious and want to provide highly detailed, real-time reports covering each and every slice-and-dice analysis that’ll provide our stakeholders with multiple dimensions. But instead of spending multiple weeks or even months working through our first iteration, take it step-wise. Start with simple and key metrics and then work through several short cycles of prototype, test and adjust.

2.  Is it uncluttered and unambiguous?

Do not clutter your reports with unimportant (though good-looking) graphics. Keep your report simple and impactful in its visual appeal. Resist the temptation to make it too flashy or over-designed graphics and charts. As pretty as those may seem, they get in the way with your report’s objective i.e. rapidly and easily informing your audience.

3.  Is it too entangled and misrepresentative?  

Often reports start simple. And then there are complex formulae’s like percentages, lookups, deriving values from multiple sheets, sum and if conditions, circular errors (where a cell refers to its own value to recalculate a new value) and similar convolutions. It is here that we run a risk of data misrepresentation. When it takes too many sheets and entangled formulae to arrive at a new value, there is always the chance of our final graphs (despite being visually high-impact) showing an inaccurate picture.

For e.g. last month the team occupancy was 80%. Of that 80%, 70% of bandwidth deployed was for Project A. Within this Project A, we used 90% of our bandwidth for activity XYZ. Now, a different chart somewhere might show bandwidth on XYZ is 90%. However, that’s absolutely misleading as the actual bandwidth deployed on activity XYZ is just about 50% (90% of 70% of 80%).

Hence, it is always suggested to frequently go deep into all the formulae and charts in all our existing reports. It is an imperative step to iron out all the inherent chinks that might’ve inadvertently crept in.

4. Is it well structured, designed and formatted?

Take care in how you design your graphs and charts. For example,

·         3D offers no increase in viewer comprehension.

·         Garish colors can interfere with interpretation.

·         Choosing a pie chart for more than 6 values makes the graphic virtually impossible to read.

·         Have we ‘wrapped text’ for long remarks/statements and aligned it well (both horizontally and vertically)?

·         Are we following a standard colour scheme?

·         In case of currencies, have we inserted the right symbol and ‘000 separators?

·         In case of numbers, have we standardized the decimal spaces?

·         Do all the worksheets have appropriate titles?

·         Are all the embedded links and formulae correct and functional?

And finally, beyond the aesthetics, some of the most important questions for all our reports –

5. Can we reduce the frequency?

Not everyone needs every bit of information on a daily basis. Some information doesn’t even add much value on a weekly basis (there are hardly any movements). So should we reconsider the frequencies of our all our existing reports? Can some of them be reduced from dailies to weeklies to bi-weeklies to monthlies?

6. Can we merge two reports?

When two or more reports have a large proportion of exactly similar elements, why then are we wasting our efforts in extracting the same information multiple times? Is there a possibility of merging multiple reports and reducing our redundant efforts?

7. Can we become dispassionate and have a realistic discussion around do we actually need a particular report? What if we stop it completely?

Often we keep doing things, following MI routines and generating age-old reports which are perhaps no longer relevant to anybody. Often, we make innovations and introduce new reports with high-relevance metrics that everyone is keenly looking at. However, we continue to keep running the old reports alongside the new ones, just in case, someone wants to revert to the old format for some comparison trends.

However, there should be a clear-cut, well-defined period of generating such ‘just in case’ old reports. If we keep generating all our old reports alongside the new reports till eternity, the very purpose of introducing innovations is defeated. Till the time all new innovations that are introduced (to bring in efficiencies) do not see any corresponding ‘old practices’ being stopped, the innovations are an additional strain on our systems and resources. It’s an ideal case of building in more redundancies rather than efficiencies.

Hence, time and again, keep questioning all the existing reports for the value and relevance they bring to the table. If you haven’t heard any feedback or questions around a particular report for a long time, perhaps no one is actually looking at it any longer!

And how does one identify such ‘just in case’ redundant reports? Just one approach – keep questioning! Frequently keep challenging and questioning yourself with tough questions around “What if I don’t generate this report?” rather than going over-board with your ‘It will be done!-delighting-the-stakeholder’ attitude.

In the current testing times, deriving efficiencies out of our existing systems, resources and reports plays a much bigger role than ever before. Do your bit. Ask the right questions. And contribute in avoiding the information overload. Cut the flab, get lean!

Itni Shakti humein dena ‘Data’, Kabhi Insights Kamzor ho na!

Let’s explore the Power of Data!